I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
