if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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