Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
