When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
