connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
