Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
