Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Acid is not a monday night drug
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
