My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
