wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
