We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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