whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
