she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
