I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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