My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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