I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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