is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
