booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
