I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
