I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
