He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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