Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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