There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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