Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
