I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
