I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
