um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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