Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize