The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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