On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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