Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
