Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
