I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
