My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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