I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
