Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
