i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got inside last night via doggy door
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
