I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
