There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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