and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i think im in europe. pls send help
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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