like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
