I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
