Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
