***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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