I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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