you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
