um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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