So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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