Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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