I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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