every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
