Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
