Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
