so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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