i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
