Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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