"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
