a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
