dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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