does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize