He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize