kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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