bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
