Michael Bay diarrhea
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize