he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
