I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
