so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
