That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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