it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
