I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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