Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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