i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
