There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize