Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
