We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize