Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
